


Wasn't Expecting That

by binchmarner



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crossdressing, IN THIS UNIVERSE PETUNIA AND LILY ARE BEST FRIENDS OKAY OKAY, M/M, Wedding Expo, and completely and utterly in love, fake relationships, remus is oblivious, trans petunia, until it becomes real
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-03
Updated: 2018-03-03
Packaged: 2019-03-26 09:17:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13854750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/binchmarner/pseuds/binchmarner
Summary: James and Lily drag Remus and Sirius to theGreat Bridal Expo of 2018. Sirius isnothaving fun until he gets one of his Great Ideas™. Operation Fake-a-Relationship-With-Remus-to-Get-Food is a go. And Remus is having fun, he really is.Until his feelings catch up with him.





	Wasn't Expecting That

**Author's Note:**

> Beta'd by the lovely [Sun.](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Burning_Up_A_Sun/works)
> 
> The title comes from the wonderful Jamie Lawson song [ Wasn't Expecting That. ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZZRSQMZUNZQ)

“Come on this trip, she said. It’ll be fun, she said,” Sirius grumbled, tucking a stray strand of dark curly hair behind his ear. Remus elbowed Sirius’s ribs, smiling.

“It’s only for a couple hours,” Remus belly laughed when Sirius pouted. “Think of it as your best man duties to James."

“Fine. But I’m not gonna like it.” Sirius followed Remus into the convention hall. 

They searched for Lily and James in the crowd of people attending the  _ Great Bridal Expo. _

“Lily and James checked us in, and told us to meet them right—” Remus said, glued to his phone for the map of the hall.

“Over here guys!” Lily sang from her table where she and James were sipping their coffees, her auburn hair shimmering in the light from the lamps.

“What’s the plan?” Remus asked, though he wished he hadn’t, because Lily slammed a binder on their table and handed out their convention passes. He pinched his nose, shaking his head.

“Well I need a million things. I don’t know how I’m going to get it all done today,” Lily said, huffing out a breath. Lily tipped her cup towards her mouth, trying to get every last drop of her overpriced coffee.

“No better time to start than now, I guess." Sirius took Lily’s hand and dragged her to the aisle of cakes. Remus and James followed behind, coffee in hand. The aisle went all the way down to the other end of the room, filled with different bakeries, like Arielle’s ice cream cakes and Jenna’s pies.

“Who would want a pie for a  _ wedding _ ?” Lily asked. “What about the salads and caterers? That’s on the other side of the world!!” she screeched in frustration. Remus chuckled at the line of tension down her back.

The booth was decked in rainbow flags and rainbow slices of cake.  Remus looked up and caught the name— A Silver Lining.

The woman had red hair with grey streaks and a smile from ear to ear as she saw Remus and Sirius. “What can I give you boys?” though she shoved cake their way. It was cut in seven separate layers of a rainbow. “It’s a little obvious, I know, but I think you’ll like it,” she winked.

Remus looked at Sirius who was moaning around his fork with his lips wrapped around the tines, which was distracting enough as it was, because he didn’t need to know what Sirius looked like in the throes of ecstasy. He rolled his eyes at the use of ‘Throes of ecstasy,’ but who could blame him?When he tasted the cake, he agreed with Sirius—it was orgasmic.

“The red velvet is absolutely stunning, love," Sirius said. The woman smiled, the lines at her eyes crinkling.

“It’s very brave of you boys, showing people you can love whomever you want." The woman smiled, putting her hand over her chest and shaking her head. Remus choked on his food.

“Ex-excuse me?” He asked, his heart stuttering. He’s never been mistaken as part of a couple much less with his best friend. And yet, what if? Would it be so bad to be in a relationship with Sirius? Remus looked over at Sirius who seemed unfased. Sirius, however, shot the woman a smile and dragged Remus over to him.

“Come here." Sirius pulled Remus over to the side of the booth, out of the earshot of the older woman.

“Sirius, what’s wrong?” Remus asked, leaning in.

“I have an idea," Sirius said with a glint in his eye. Remus raised an eyebrow. He’s been on the receiving end of Sirius’s  _ ideas _ too many times, and it’s gotten them in trouble too many times.

“I don’t trust you," Remus said. Sirius shushed him, lacing their fingers together. “Whaaa—”

“It’s simple. We pretend to be a couple and we get free food. We just have to  _ pretend. _ Tell me you’re not hungry." Sirius smirked when Remus’s stomach growled. “If it really bothers you, we don’t have to, but if you want, we could get champagne," he singsonged, and Remus wished he wouldn’t do that, because for some reason he found it ridiculously adorable for a grown man.

Remus squeezed Sirius’s hand, and Sirius almost fist pumped.

“Lily, you have to try this cake." Sirius turned to her, dropping Remus’s hand. Remus ran his now empty hand through his sandy blond hair in an attempt to give himself something to do.

“Oh, are you the bridesmaid?” the woman behind the booth asked Lily. Sirius snorted.

“The—the bridesmaid, to whom?” Lily asked, pointing to the boys next to her. “Them? Oh sure, aren’t they the cutest?”

The woman gave Lily her card and a piece of cake. Lily tried the cake, and her face lit up. “Oh my god. It’s so good!” she said with a smile.

“Call me and we’ll set up an appointment!” the woman said as the group walked away. “Wait!”

Sirius turned and cocked his head to the side. “Yes?”

“Come on, give us a kiss!” The woman clasped her hands together.

“You don’t have to,” Remus said. But what if Sirius didn’t want to kiss him? What if he laughed?

“Come here,” Sirius said, threading his fingers through Remus’s hair. Remus stalled, his heart stuttering.  He wanted to kiss Sirius; God, he did. Sirius was so close. 

Sirius leaned in and kissed Remus. He tasted of cream cheese icing and cake crumbs, and Remus was drunk off of it. Remus leaned forward to catch his lips again as Sirius pulled away. Remus was breathless, surprised at how right the kiss felt. His cheeks burned as Sirius winked at him.\

Right. They were supposed to be acting. 

“She was nice; I liked her," Sirius said, grabbing Remus’s hand again. Remus’s stomach jumped, he liked it. He liked the idea of holding Sirius’s hand. It felt like coming home to a warm house on a cold winter day.

“The two of you, married. You already act like a married couple around the house; it’s about time other people see it as well," James grinned. Remus hit James, who laughed.

“Of course I yell if  _ someone _ won’t pick up their socks," Sirius said. Remus scoffed, swinging their intertwined hands between them.

“You track boot prints in the house when I’ve  _ just  _ finished cleaning." Remus rolled his eyes, laughing as they walked to the next booth. Normally he would be angry, but Sirius’s smirk wiped every ounce of anger away.

“The entire booth is pink and blue! I can’t believe they want us to think about kids already!” Lily crossed her arms, huffing out a breath.

“Do you think we’ll have kids, darling?” Sirius asked, knowing Remus would blush.

“Be serious, Sirius," Remus shot back. “Lily, don’t berate the woman for her booth."

“I’m always serious." Sirius smirked and walked up to the booth. That’s when he saw a small transgender flag taped to the wall. “Lils, look."

Lily covered her mouth, though Remus could see a smile in her eyes. She walked up to the woman at the booth. “Your booth celebrates trans rights, right?”

The woman nodded. “You know someone who’s transgender, then?”

“My sister, Petunia," Lily said, tears shining in her eyes. “So many people are so rude. It’s nice to see someone on our team. I’m Lily."

The woman smiled and gave the four of them slices of cake—strawberry decorated vanilla cake that was absolutely scrumptious, if Remus said so himself. “I’m Serena. My son is trans. He came out to me three years ago when he was 15. I’ve spent since then trying to better myself and the world around me."

“You’re doing a wonderful job," Remus smiled, and Sirius nodded.

“You two are engaged, yes?” the woman asked Remus and Sirius.

Remus slid his hand wrapped around Sirius’s waist and he pulled him closer as they nodded. “Yes we are." His heart jumped when Sirius put his hand over Remus’s and laced their fingers together. He felt comfortable playing this part with Sirius, and everything slotted into place. All the Friday nights they spent watching movies, smoking together, listening to music. What if it weren’t just a friendship?

Like the woman before, Serena put her hand over her heart and smiled. “I hope you find everything you need at this convention. Here’s my card if you want to contact me for the ceremony. Cheers!”

“Cheers,” Sirius and Remus said in succession.

For the next few booths, James laughed as Remus and Sirius playfully argued over what was the better cake flavor— chocolate, marble, or red velvet. It wasn’t until the group came across a specific cake booth that the thought of Remus and Sirius even getting married became a problem.

“Jesus’s creations," Sirius said with a snort. “A little overkill, maybe?”

The couple who decorated the booth had a bible quote on the fabric over the table. Crosses on the cakes, and pictures of brides and grooms on the wall. Only brides with grooms.

“Don’t be mean, Sirius," James said, though he sounded hesitant. “Not everything has to be gay." Remus slipped into Sirius’s hand without a second thought, just to get a head start on spiting them.

They were nice enough. Steven and Louise talked to James and Lily, smiling. Steven had made the cake toppers himself from wood. Louise gave Lily their card, and Lily kindly pocketed the card in her back pocket, instead of putting it in her binder.

“Hello! Oh—” Steven’s face fell as he saw Remus and Sirius holding hands. “We don’t—we don’t bake cakes for gay weddings. Just a preference."

“Just a—just a preference?” Remus gritted out. Sirius tried to rub the stress out of Remus’s back, but Remus withdrew. “You’re kidding me. You’re joking," he said, his jaw tense, his lips a thin line.

“Honey," Sirius warned, and Remus didn’t even process the warning, he was so angry.

“The Bible says that—”

“The  _ Bible _ , was written years ago by someone who  _ claims _ to have heard ‘the Word of God’. And if Jesus were alive today, do you think he’d actually give a  _ shit  _ about who I choose to love?” Remus growled.

“Honey, really, it’s okay." Sirius intertwined their fingers together and squeezed his hand as an  _ I’m here. Calm down. _ But Remus couldn’t calm down. Years of his parents telling him he was wrong for who he wanted to love came flooding back to him, and he was over it. He regressed in anger, wanting to curl in on himself. Everything was tense; his pulse racing. Remus was with people who loved and accepted him.

“Also, you’re losing money by ostracizing an entire group of people who could give you an extravagant wedding," Remus glared as Lily and Sirius started to walk him away.

“Not my problem," Steven shrugged. “I hope you learn the right way to live. One man and one woman. Have a blessed day!”

“You can shove that blessed day up your—” Remus tried to lunge forward toward the booth, but Sirius held him back.

“Rem, it’s okay," Sirius said, and tried to lead him away from the booth.

“No, it’s not. What if we were an actual couple and we were looking for a baker and someone just told us no and the only reason they denied us was because we were gay? How screwed up would that be?” Remus said, his face red with anger. He could feel his heart racing. Sirius was quiet for a moment, then nodded.

“That’s fucked up," Sirius said finally.

“And the fact that they’re not the only people in the world who do this is despicable." Remus scrubbed away the angry tears welling in his eyes.

“Hey, it’s okay. More often than not, people are accepting of others being gay. The pricks who aren’t can deal," Sirius said softly. “You’re surrounded by people who love and accept you. Okay? Come on. Lily’s looking at a connecting room where we can see dresses."

“ _ Excuse me _ , I would  _ never  _ get my dress here," Lily said, but stopped when Sirius shot her a look, eyebrows raised and lips pursed. “Seriously! I’d use Vera Wang, first of all."

“But you need to know the style and the color you need. I mean look, there’s eggshell, stark white, champagne white, ecru.” Sirius counted off his fingers. “There’s a ball gown, mermaid, a-line, tea-length." Although he was aggravated, Remus had to admit, it was funny watching Sirius “black-leather-jacket-and-Doc-Martens” Black talking about the different colors and styles of wedding dresses.

“Look at you! I didn’t know you knew so much about weddings." Remus and James gaped at Sirius as they walked out of the hall and to the connecting convention rooms.

“Yeah, well, Walburga got married again and needed help planning," Sirius shrugged.

“Why are there so many shades of white?” Remus asked. “Why can’t Lily just wear plain  _ white _ ?”

“Because pure white is for  _ virgins _ ," Sirius said.

“That leaves you out then," Remus snorted.

“Oi! Who says I’d wear the dress in this relationship?” Sirius asked, pursing his lips when Remus, James, and Lily raised their eyebrows at him.

“You’re joking," Remus said.

“Fine. You know my arse would look great in a form-fitting sheath." Sirius grinned with a wink. Just for a laugh, he walked over to the woman and asked if he could try a sheath dress on.

“That dress has already been spoken for,” the owner looked at him with a glint in her eye. “But, I have a dress that will look great with your body, and a veil fit for your gorgeous curls.”

Lily dragged James and Remus to sit down while she went with Sirius to try the dress on.

“So, you and Sirius have taken this little play to the next level." James poked Remus’s side. Remus blushed.

“Not the next level. We’re just being ourselves. It just—it just happens to be together," Remus said. Throughout the day, he’d become so accustomed to holding Sirius’s hand or putting his hand around Sirius’s waist that now that he’s sat by himself, it felt weird to not have a hand to hold. And then it hit him. All the times today he felt like his stomach was in knots, what if it was because he didn’t want to play pretend anymore?

Lily trumpeted an introduction as Sirius walked out gracefully, the elegant ecru princess ballgown the exact opposite of what Remus was expecting.

And he thought Sirius looked beautiful, like a flower. Remus let out a breath, his face burning red.

It was like in those nineties movies Sirius loved, where the girl walks out of the dressing room or into school the day after getting a full makeover, and the boy sees her and falls head over heels, but he doesn’t know how to word his feelings.

Yeah. That’s what Remus was thinking of right now.

For the first time in a while, Remus let himself feel, and wonder. Wonder what it would be like coming home to Sirius every day. Wonder what it would be like to see him looking like an absolute goddess, smiling at Remus like he was the only man Sirius would ever see. That couldn’t happen. They were friends, buddies,  _ pals _ . But Remus could let himself dream. He’d be eating his heart out for a while trying to get over today, but he didn’t care.

“Rem? Remus, bud." James snapped his fingers in front of Remus’s eyes. Remus blushed, shaking his head. He was staring again, wasn’t he?

“What?” Remus asked, glancing over at a very smug James.

“Just yourselves, huh?” James smirked.

“Shut up,” Remus said.

“So? What do you think?” Sirius asked, running his hand through his hair.

“Wait! Wait!” the owner said. She slid a veil in his hair. Remus walked over.

“You—you look beautiful," Remus said, his heart skipping a beat as he lifted up Sirius’s veil. And he did. Sirius looked like Cinderella in the ball gown, and Remus wished he could sweep Sirius off of his feet and be his Prince Charming. Sirius blushed and laughed.

“It’s—it’s quite different from form fitting sex on a stick like I’d played myself up to be," Sirius grinned. Remus shook his head.

“No, it’s better. You look like...a princess," Remus said, his voice low so others couldn’t hear. “You look beautiful," And it clicked.  _ Sirius  _ was the girl in the nineties movies, and  _ Remus  _ was hopelessly in love. And for some reason, a dam broke. He was in love with Sirius. Every smile, every hug, every moment they’d spent together. They weren’t just best friends; Remus wanted them to be so much more.

“Thanks, I think." Sirius looked into Remus’s eyes, and Remus thought they were the only two in the room. Remus couldn’t read the look in Sirius’s eyes, but it was new. James cleared his throat, and Remus realized he was the only one standing other than Sirius. “I—um—”

“We should take photos for—for future reference." Sirius held the back of his neck, glancing down at the floor.

“Definitely. Future reference. Right." Remus looked at Lily, who was giggling into her hand.

“Just being yourselves, hmm?” James raised an eyebrow as he took out his phone, documenting Remus and Sirius’s bright red faces on Snapchat.

“Shut up," Remus said.

“Come on, give us a twirl," James said. Sirius spun around with a chuckle, the tulle flowing around him. Remus covered his mouth, smiling behind his hand.

“I’m starving. Let’s get some dinner. Don’t we have reservations at that place,  _ Les Amis _ ?” Sirius said, thanking the woman. She led him back into the room to get changed.

The walk to the restaurant felt weird to say the least. Remus didn’t hold Sirius’s hand and for some reason, his hand felt empty.

“We made reservations at this restaurant months in advance. It’s supposed to be the best place to eat in London," Lily said, checking her watch. “And we’re grossly underdressed."

“Do you want me to go get that dress back?” Sirius deadpanned as they walked into the restaurant. Remus didn’t trust the fact that Sirius kept whispering in Lily’s ear. He was plotting, and Remus didn’t like it.

Lily kept glancing at Remus as if she knew what he were thinking, like she knew what was going to happen next. They were seated almost immediately, the waiter eager to bring them menus.

And then it happened. Sirius took the butter knife in one hand and gently tapped it against his wine glass. Sirius stood up and smiled at Remus. “Remus John Lupin,” he began, clutching something in his hand. Remus looked around at his table, the traitors.

“Sirius Orion Black,” he answered in the exact intonation of Sirius’s voice, though his voice came out fragile, like he couldn’t remember how to breathe.

“We’ve been friends since our freshman year of high school, what was that, eight years ago?” Sirius said, smiling at his friend. Remus raised an eyebrow, but nodded his head.

“Eight very,  _ very _ long years," Remus said, taking a sip of his wine. Sirius chuckled.

“Yes, very long years. And even through everything, I’ve found you to be my best—”

“Oi!” James slapped his arm, though he was grinning from ear to ear.

“ _ One _ , of my best friends." Sirius glanced at James before returning his gaze to Remus. “And I wouldn’t have it any other way,"

“Neither would I," Remus said, and Lily took his hand and squeezed it as if  to say  _ shut up and let him speak _ .

“But something has come to my attention in the time that we’ve been together. We work really well together as a couple, and I’m happy to say that you’ve been by my side everyday through arguments and successes. I don’t think I would’ve passed Uni without your help." Sirius shifted from one foot to another. Remus wondered if Sirius’s heart was beating as loud as his.

“I don’t know if I could spend the rest of my days with anyone else other than you. You’re bright, even on your darkest days, and you’re a shining ray of hope in my life through your companionship," Sirius grinned, and Remus finally saw where this was going. He felt ill when he realized this was more of the play acting, that Sirius was just using the moment for free champagne.

Sirius knelt down on one knee and held out his hand. Lily’s engagement ring sat in the palm of his hand. “Marry me?” he asked, a small, hesitant smile evident on his face. 

Remus covered his mouth, hoping it looked like shock and not disappointment. He was playing the part well; he’d hug Sirius, pretend to cry, and get free champagne.

But he didn’t want it to be a part to play. He wanted it to be real.

Remus stood up and hugged Sirius, even though his heart ached.  He had to get out of the restaurant and quick, because he’d be damned if Sirius saw him cry. “Excuse me,” he said, pulling away from Sirius to walk away.

“Rem, Remus!” Sirius’s smile faltered as he held onto Remus’s wrist. Remus couldn’t bring himself to wrench his hand away, but he had to leave.    


“I’m sorry, I just—I have to go.” Remus slipped his hand away from Sirius’s grasp and walked out of the restaurant. “I’m sorry.”

The biting cold of the November air cooled the heat rising at Remus’s cheeks. He pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes, trying to will away the tears welling up. Deep breath in, deep breath out.

He leaned his weight against the brick of the restaurant. Disappointment sat in his stomach like a block of ice. 

“Hey, Rem?” Sirius touched Remus’s shoulder, and Remus wished he could disappear. He hoped that the cold would mask the fact that his fact was pink from crying.

“Sirius. I’m so sorry. I thought I was going to be okay with this whole  _ pretending we’re together _ thing, but I just can’t.” He drew in a shaky breath, wishing he could say something to make Sirius feel the way Remus felt about him. “It’s too—”

Sirius kicked at a stone on the ground. “Painful. I know.” 

“What?” Remus’s heart stuttered. He waited for Lily and James to come out with a camera, and end the cruel joke. “Yeah, painful.”

“Today’s shown me a lot, too much. I’ve realized that you mean more to me than a friend. When you looked at me like I was the only thing in the world when I was in that dress.” Sirius said. “It’s stupid, and you probably don’t feel the same way, but God. The last thing I want to do is make it weird.”   
“You’re joking.” Remus laughed. “All today’s taught me is that I don’t want to be your friend.”   
  
“Oh. Wow, okay, then, I guess.” Sirius ran his hand through his hair and frowned. Remus choked on air.

“God, wait. No. I’m an idiot. I meant, I want to be  _ with you _ , not just as your friend,” Remus said, stepping close. “As more than friends.”   


Sirius looked up, hope in his eyes. “More?”   
  
Remus smiled. “If you want.”   
“That’s all I want.” Sirius smiled. “God I want to kiss you. For real this time.”   
  
“Then do it.” Remus said, with no trace of a challenge in his eyes. Sirius smiled, cupping Remus’s cheeks as he leaned in, standing on his toes to reach his lips. And it was amazing. Remus pulled Sirius closer, resting his hands on the small of Sirius’s back. He tasted of the steak and wine he’d had during dinner, smelled of smoke and spearmint gum and  _ home _ .

They pulled away only for breath, Remus resting his forehead against Sirius’s.

“That was—” Remus began.

“Great,” Sirius chuckled.

“Now shut up and kiss me again.” Remus pulled him close, smiling.   
  
So he did.


End file.
